Forever Connected

The conversation went a little like this...
Perry (my boss): Where ya going?
Me: To talk to Jesus... I've been feeling a little disconnected lately.
Perry: Why's that?
Me: (Insert events of the past week about being exhausted and going home and leadership retreat, ya da ya da) I just feel really disconnected from God.
Perry: Well, you're not.

My first thought after this converstaion was, well duh, Perry... I know God is always with me. But as I sat there, doing my quiet time in the corner of the big room, I started to process what he had said and what it really meant. "God is always connected with me."

I started reading through scriptues like, Song of Solomon 7:10 "I am my beloved's and His desire is for me", and the reality of what that meant began to set in. God is solidly connected to me every single minute of every single day and He desire's me to spend time with Him, He doesn't demand it! As a believer, nothing I could do, could make Him be any more or less connected to me. That means that on the days I have done hours of scripture reading and prayer (yeah... that hardly ever happens) and on the days I can't even find my Bible, God is exactly the same, in the exact same place... right next to me. And all I have to do is receive His never ending supply of love.

I've been preaching about grace, grace, grace, and more grace...about how God loves us, good bad and ugly. Yet, I have spent the past 6 months being hard on myself for not spending time in the word and being proud of myself when I took an hour to open my Bible. I have let the days without scripture reading or prayer journal writing, feel like wasted days. I have let feelings of guilt about not spending time with Him, distract me from my mission here on earth... to bring glory to HIS kingdom.

Perry's three letter phrase, "Well you're not." Had turned my view on God and myself upside down. I DO NOT have to try to win the affection of my King. I do not have to try to prove myself as a Christian to anyone, INCLUDING Him! "All" I have to do is open my heart and my mind and accept this gift which He has given to me. WOW...wicked cool.

When I don't feel "connected" I am going to choose to say these words, "Abba, I belong to You." And recite them over and over until I get those feelings of doubt out of my head. God is with me, through the good, the bad, and the ugly, NOT because I'm a "good little Christian" but because He delights in who I am. A nice thought to rest in right?

xoxo, va