To Fear or Not To Fear

A wise person once told me that whatever you fear most, controls you. It controls how you think and how you process things, the decisions you make and the things you fall victim too. For example, if a woman fears loneliness, all she thinks about and lives for is finding her husband, and all too often, settles for someone who isn't her perfect man. Someone who lives in fear of poverty will work themselves to death for money, with little focus on anything else. A person who fears judgment from others will be obsessed with their appearance and often spend all their time judging others. For me, my greatest fear is disappointment and often I let it control how I act. Being a perfectionist goes hand in hand with my fear of being a disappointment. I typically expect perfection, especially in myself. More often than not, I find the need to be the best at everything, no matter what it is. This causes me to be discontent in friendships, jobs, classes, and even my relationship with Jesus. So many times in my life I had "revelations" of wanting to follow my faith again but at the moment I "let God down" by screwing up, I ran from Him, scared of facing the disappointment. That fear kept me from experiencing all Jesus had to offer.

Verse after verse in the Bible talks about the importance of fearing God. ("And from the throne came a voice that said,“Praise our God, all his servants, all who FEAR him,from the least to the greatest.” Revelations 19:5) He is a just God and we, as sinners, should fear his wrath. But with the sacrifice of Jesus, He now stands between us and God. And since I believe and love Jesus, God doesn't see my disappointments, He sees Jesus when He looks at me, and therefore I am pure and perfect in His eyes. WOW. That's so stinking cool.

So now, as I sit through the weekend, worrying about something that happened at work and whether or not my boss will be upset with me, I can't let the fear of disappointment control me. What's lost is lost and no amount of worrying or stressing will get that fabric sample back. I can't let that fear control my relationship with my boss either. I can't just stop going to work because of that fear. I can't lie about the situation just because of my fear. I can't run from any future responsibility because of that fear. I have to charge head on into work on Monday, and face that chance of being a disappointment. LUCKILY, my identity is not in this job. My identity is in Christ, as His bride. Whatever the outcome, I know my Lord doesn't look down on me as a disappointment and doesn't love me any less!

"For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.” Zephaniah 3:17

xoxo, va