As I sit in the computer lab of the building I have spent my entire undergrad career in, I have mixed emotions. I'm thrilled that my senior thesis is finished... 22 hours before it's due!! (something that has NEVER happend). I'm exhausted because for the past 4 days I have slept during the day and been up all night, having seen the sunrise over Auburn three mornings in a row, and have sat in this same seat for the most current 21 hours. I'm sort of sad to leave behind this building, in all it's "ugly glory" and the memories that I have made. I'm beyond proud of myself, having produced the most impressive project in over 4 years of studio work. I'm humbled by the fact that God's goodness has been more evident in the past 4 months than it has ever been in my life... all due to the fact that my head is clear and I'm listening when He speaks. He has provided an abundance of patience and energy, something that can't come from a can, no matter what caffeine content!
It's almost an out of body experience when Christ reveals Himself to you, something He's done many, many times to me in the past 4 days. There have been times when almost an audible whisper has spoken, "My Bride, you are talented, you are beautiful, WE will get this done." Without Him, I wouldn't have made it. Without PERSPECTIVE on how important, yet how microscopic this project is in the grand scheme of eternity, I would have had many emotional meltdowns. Meltdowns are something I have been very accquainted with in the past... but not this time!! This go 'round I held my head high and pushed forward, knowing I had the greatest teammate in the universe on my side! And we won!!!! (22 hours early might I add!)
"The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace." Psalm 29:11
xoxo, va
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
"24"
"I want to see miracles, see the world change, wrestled the angel, for more than a name, for more than a feeling, for more than a cause, I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You, and You're raising the dead in me." -Switchfoot
24 means more to me than a two and a four. 24 is the date Jesus took my best friend from this world. And now, on the 21st of April, we are celebrating the fourth birthday of that special boy, without him. It's almost a harder day for me than the day of his death, September 24th. It's harder because it shows that life has moved on and Jacob remained 18, 18 in pictures and in memories. It's painful knowing that I am 22 and he remained 18. It's a reality check of how fast life has flown by. Now, at the closing of the chapter of college in my life, I wrestle with bittersweet feelings. I am excited to see how my life continues to play out but the sadness of knowing that I'm closing another chapter that doesn't include Jacob is hard to swallow.
I believe, without doubt, that my life would be far different than it is now, if Jacob were still on this side of heaven. We would be planning "PURE DOMINATION" and brainstorming on how to take over the world. He'd be coming up with projects to pull in millions and I would be content designing the buildings he wanted constructed. Thinking about doing design work without him is hard because he was behind a lot of the ideas that developed in my head, before getting into the interior design program. With Jacob and his connections, my degree would have made me rich. Now, although I still love what I do, it just isn't the same.
So now, as I wait patiently for the time to come for me to interview for a place in ministry for next year, I think about how life would have looked if "twenty four hours ago" something had been different.
"For this world is not our home; we are looking forward to our city in heaven, which is yet to come." Hebrews 13:14
xoxo, va
24 means more to me than a two and a four. 24 is the date Jesus took my best friend from this world. And now, on the 21st of April, we are celebrating the fourth birthday of that special boy, without him. It's almost a harder day for me than the day of his death, September 24th. It's harder because it shows that life has moved on and Jacob remained 18, 18 in pictures and in memories. It's painful knowing that I am 22 and he remained 18. It's a reality check of how fast life has flown by. Now, at the closing of the chapter of college in my life, I wrestle with bittersweet feelings. I am excited to see how my life continues to play out but the sadness of knowing that I'm closing another chapter that doesn't include Jacob is hard to swallow.
I believe, without doubt, that my life would be far different than it is now, if Jacob were still on this side of heaven. We would be planning "PURE DOMINATION" and brainstorming on how to take over the world. He'd be coming up with projects to pull in millions and I would be content designing the buildings he wanted constructed. Thinking about doing design work without him is hard because he was behind a lot of the ideas that developed in my head, before getting into the interior design program. With Jacob and his connections, my degree would have made me rich. Now, although I still love what I do, it just isn't the same.
So now, as I wait patiently for the time to come for me to interview for a place in ministry for next year, I think about how life would have looked if "twenty four hours ago" something had been different.
"For this world is not our home; we are looking forward to our city in heaven, which is yet to come." Hebrews 13:14
xoxo, va
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Living for Today
I haven't graduated yet. This much is certain. With all the amazing things that are happening in my life, I am struggling to focus on today, and the fact that I haven't finished school yet.
It is so easy to get caught up in what is coming and miss the things that are happening in this day, in this hour.
My current reality is that there are a lot of stresses with school and there are so many things to get done before finals, however my sights are set on the future and I am having a hard time focusing on the tasks at hand. I would much rather pray about Bali, or research San Diego, or work on my application for interning next year. However, the bottom line is that graduating needs to come first. That needs to be the top priority.
Finding a balance between focusing on school work and the things that need to be accomplished and focusing on the prize of eternity is very difficult.
I'm reminded of Matthew 6:32-34..."Your heavenly Father already knows all your needs, and he will give you all you need from day to day if you live for him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern. So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today."
I am working on focusing on today and less on focusing on the future, no matter how exciting it is! I'm a firm believer that we travel towards whatever we set our sights on. If I set my sights on the future, I will miss all the many things that could come into my life in the present. My goal is to set my sights on the cross!!
xoxo, va
It is so easy to get caught up in what is coming and miss the things that are happening in this day, in this hour.
My current reality is that there are a lot of stresses with school and there are so many things to get done before finals, however my sights are set on the future and I am having a hard time focusing on the tasks at hand. I would much rather pray about Bali, or research San Diego, or work on my application for interning next year. However, the bottom line is that graduating needs to come first. That needs to be the top priority.
Finding a balance between focusing on school work and the things that need to be accomplished and focusing on the prize of eternity is very difficult.
I'm reminded of Matthew 6:32-34..."Your heavenly Father already knows all your needs, and he will give you all you need from day to day if you live for him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern. So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today."
I am working on focusing on today and less on focusing on the future, no matter how exciting it is! I'm a firm believer that we travel towards whatever we set our sights on. If I set my sights on the future, I will miss all the many things that could come into my life in the present. My goal is to set my sights on the cross!!
xoxo, va
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Beautiful Faith
Faith is trusting even when you don't want to trust and believing even when you don't want to believe.
Never in my life have I really trusted God to take care of things...which sounds so crazy, seeing that he did create the world and everything in it. My control freak self has always gotten in the way and my day planner became my idol. If something wasn't written down in the planner, it didn't get done. No matter how incredibly important it was. My to do lists controlled how I functioned, and to get really embarrassing, most days I would sit in class planning out, hour by hour, how I would spend my day. Sad, I know. To me, I could do far better than God could because I was organized and structured.
HOWEVER, this past month I have really focused on the statement "To let go and let God". He really does provide. When I threw out the hour by hour plan and the "life laid out til I'm 80" plan and all the other plans that controlled my life, He showed up and lined things up. When I stopped chasing certain things and really started listening to Him... things just started happening.
Some of these things I have been stressing about that He has provided, just in the past 72 hours are;
-A place to live in San Diego, I am living with an older couple who have graciously opened their home to me for those ten weeks
-An internship with Auburn Christian Fellowship for the next school year (more details to come!!)
-An incredible prayer meeting with the team I am going to Bali with, that calmed many fears and challenges we might face
-A fantastic weekend with my best friend, who isn't a believer, that started to ask questions!! :)
As soon as I just let Him have control of these things, He opened doors and showed me, exactly, almost in plain English, which doors I needed to walk through. I am so excited about all these things and look forward to sharing more wonderful testimony with yall!!
"What is needed for happy effectual service is simply to put your work into the Lord's hand, and leave it there. Do not take it to Him in prayer, saying, "Lord, guide me, Lord, give me wisdom, Lord, arrange for me," and then arise from your knees, and take the burden all back, and try to guide and arrange for yourself. Leave it with the Lord, and remember that what you trust to Him you must not worry over nor feel anxious about. Trust and worry cannot go together."
xoxo, va
Never in my life have I really trusted God to take care of things...which sounds so crazy, seeing that he did create the world and everything in it. My control freak self has always gotten in the way and my day planner became my idol. If something wasn't written down in the planner, it didn't get done. No matter how incredibly important it was. My to do lists controlled how I functioned, and to get really embarrassing, most days I would sit in class planning out, hour by hour, how I would spend my day. Sad, I know. To me, I could do far better than God could because I was organized and structured.
HOWEVER, this past month I have really focused on the statement "To let go and let God". He really does provide. When I threw out the hour by hour plan and the "life laid out til I'm 80" plan and all the other plans that controlled my life, He showed up and lined things up. When I stopped chasing certain things and really started listening to Him... things just started happening.
Some of these things I have been stressing about that He has provided, just in the past 72 hours are;
-A place to live in San Diego, I am living with an older couple who have graciously opened their home to me for those ten weeks
-An internship with Auburn Christian Fellowship for the next school year (more details to come!!)
-An incredible prayer meeting with the team I am going to Bali with, that calmed many fears and challenges we might face
-A fantastic weekend with my best friend, who isn't a believer, that started to ask questions!! :)
As soon as I just let Him have control of these things, He opened doors and showed me, exactly, almost in plain English, which doors I needed to walk through. I am so excited about all these things and look forward to sharing more wonderful testimony with yall!!
"What is needed for happy effectual service is simply to put your work into the Lord's hand, and leave it there. Do not take it to Him in prayer, saying, "Lord, guide me, Lord, give me wisdom, Lord, arrange for me," and then arise from your knees, and take the burden all back, and try to guide and arrange for yourself. Leave it with the Lord, and remember that what you trust to Him you must not worry over nor feel anxious about. Trust and worry cannot go together."
xoxo, va
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
The Struggle
San Diego is fast approaching and all the details haven't been ironed out quite yet. So many arrows point directly to this being where I need to be, however some things just haven't come together. It is a constant stress, knowing that some of these decisions are not in my hands. And since patience has never been one of my strong attributes, waiting for email reply's has become a constant issue for my sanity.
I am a firm believer that God opens the doors but that we have to make the decision to get off the couch and knock. God opened way to many doors getting me to Auburn and into the Interior Design program for this to not be what I am supposed to do. I trust Him to lead me in the directions I need to take but am not content in sitting back and waiting for these opportunities to come to me. I am trying actively to pursue opportunities to make this summer a success.
With my Bali mission trip fast approaching (1 month, 4 days away!!) a verse that has stood out to me is Acts 20:24...“However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me--- the task of testifying to the gospel of God’s grace." It puts the stress of internship stuff and moving across the country into perspective! My prayers lately have been that God will start opening the hearts of the people I will encounter. I also have been praying for my heart to be opened to these people and that I will learn whatever he is sending me to Bali to learn.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope!!" Jeremiah 29:11
xoxo, va
I am a firm believer that God opens the doors but that we have to make the decision to get off the couch and knock. God opened way to many doors getting me to Auburn and into the Interior Design program for this to not be what I am supposed to do. I trust Him to lead me in the directions I need to take but am not content in sitting back and waiting for these opportunities to come to me. I am trying actively to pursue opportunities to make this summer a success.
With my Bali mission trip fast approaching (1 month, 4 days away!!) a verse that has stood out to me is Acts 20:24...“However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me--- the task of testifying to the gospel of God’s grace." It puts the stress of internship stuff and moving across the country into perspective! My prayers lately have been that God will start opening the hearts of the people I will encounter. I also have been praying for my heart to be opened to these people and that I will learn whatever he is sending me to Bali to learn.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope!!" Jeremiah 29:11
xoxo, va
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