The conversation went a little like this...
Perry (my boss): Where ya going?
Me: To talk to Jesus... I've been feeling a little disconnected lately.
Perry: Why's that?
Me: (Insert events of the past week about being exhausted and going home and leadership retreat, ya da ya da) I just feel really disconnected from God.
Perry: Well, you're not.
My first thought after this converstaion was, well duh, Perry... I know God is always with me. But as I sat there, doing my quiet time in the corner of the big room, I started to process what he had said and what it really meant. "God is always connected with me."
I started reading through scriptues like, Song of Solomon 7:10 "I am my beloved's and His desire is for me", and the reality of what that meant began to set in. God is solidly connected to me every single minute of every single day and He desire's me to spend time with Him, He doesn't demand it! As a believer, nothing I could do, could make Him be any more or less connected to me. That means that on the days I have done hours of scripture reading and prayer (yeah... that hardly ever happens) and on the days I can't even find my Bible, God is exactly the same, in the exact same place... right next to me. And all I have to do is receive His never ending supply of love.
I've been preaching about grace, grace, grace, and more grace...about how God loves us, good bad and ugly. Yet, I have spent the past 6 months being hard on myself for not spending time in the word and being proud of myself when I took an hour to open my Bible. I have let the days without scripture reading or prayer journal writing, feel like wasted days. I have let feelings of guilt about not spending time with Him, distract me from my mission here on earth... to bring glory to HIS kingdom.
Perry's three letter phrase, "Well you're not." Had turned my view on God and myself upside down. I DO NOT have to try to win the affection of my King. I do not have to try to prove myself as a Christian to anyone, INCLUDING Him! "All" I have to do is open my heart and my mind and accept this gift which He has given to me. WOW...wicked cool.
When I don't feel "connected" I am going to choose to say these words, "Abba, I belong to You." And recite them over and over until I get those feelings of doubt out of my head. God is with me, through the good, the bad, and the ugly, NOT because I'm a "good little Christian" but because He delights in who I am. A nice thought to rest in right?
xoxo, va
Friday, August 27, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Dreamin' Big
This morning in my Brennan Manning devotional the first sentence reads..."Even when preoccupied, distracted, or salivating, we each have a dream, a vision of life that corresponds to our convictions, embodies our uniqueness, and expresses what is life-giving within us."
I've dreamed big my entire life. Early on it was wanting to be a mommy, and wanting to be the first woman to Mars. In my later years, the dream has been to be a famous interior designer. Working in ministry, the big dreams are still there, however, now the big dreams are for His kingdom and not for me personally. I dream big for my students. I want them to have the best life they could possibly imagine. I want them to grasp the unexplainable grace I have been given, and I want them to understand how much their King loves them! I want HIM glorified in everything, opposed to me being glorified. I want we as ministers to fade away and His light to shine bright, lighting up Auburn's campus.
Not dreaming for myself is something that I originally struggled with. I wanted to hang on to my dreams AND give them to the Lord completey. Not surprisingly, that didn't work. I was always discontent because I felt like what God wanted me to do and what I wanted to do were different things. Relizing that my dreams are for the kingdom has released me to enjoy freedom in what will come in the future.
The last sentence in my devotional was..."The dream of Jesus Christ is the Kingdom of God, and the committed Christian buys into his dream." I want to buy into His dream! My personal dreams are no longer the priority if they do not bring glory to His kingdom!
Swapping my dreams for His dreams is the most difficult, yet most rewarding thing. It's the only way I have been able to survive the 15-16 hour work days we have had since last Tuesday. The couple days where my dreams shifted back to myself, I was tired, exhausted, moody, and miserable. Those days required a single prayer..."Lord, remind me that I'm doing this for YOUR kingdom." When the mind shift happened again, and my focus was again on His good and not my own, the days didn't get any shorter but getting through them has been easier.
"Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you." Psalm 37:5
xoxo, va
I've dreamed big my entire life. Early on it was wanting to be a mommy, and wanting to be the first woman to Mars. In my later years, the dream has been to be a famous interior designer. Working in ministry, the big dreams are still there, however, now the big dreams are for His kingdom and not for me personally. I dream big for my students. I want them to have the best life they could possibly imagine. I want them to grasp the unexplainable grace I have been given, and I want them to understand how much their King loves them! I want HIM glorified in everything, opposed to me being glorified. I want we as ministers to fade away and His light to shine bright, lighting up Auburn's campus.
Not dreaming for myself is something that I originally struggled with. I wanted to hang on to my dreams AND give them to the Lord completey. Not surprisingly, that didn't work. I was always discontent because I felt like what God wanted me to do and what I wanted to do were different things. Relizing that my dreams are for the kingdom has released me to enjoy freedom in what will come in the future.
The last sentence in my devotional was..."The dream of Jesus Christ is the Kingdom of God, and the committed Christian buys into his dream." I want to buy into His dream! My personal dreams are no longer the priority if they do not bring glory to His kingdom!
Swapping my dreams for His dreams is the most difficult, yet most rewarding thing. It's the only way I have been able to survive the 15-16 hour work days we have had since last Tuesday. The couple days where my dreams shifted back to myself, I was tired, exhausted, moody, and miserable. Those days required a single prayer..."Lord, remind me that I'm doing this for YOUR kingdom." When the mind shift happened again, and my focus was again on His good and not my own, the days didn't get any shorter but getting through them has been easier.
"Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you." Psalm 37:5
xoxo, va
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Nope, I haven't been hiding....
Intern training=most intense experience of my life. Our schedule is packed, with no hours for break time, and it's go-go-go 24-7. Although I knew there would be no breaks as an intern, actually experiencing it is another story. Since Tuesday morning at 9AM we've been non-stop with team training, learning about how ACF works, learning about our strengths, where we fit in on the team, and slowly meeting students. Our team of 6 is incredible. We have 3 girls: myself, Nicole and Laura and 3 guys: Seth, Spencer and Ben. We've bonded immediately and not only as fellow employees but as friends. On Wednesday night we went camping and Ben, Spencer and I stayed up all night talking. It's been such a blessing to meet awesome guys who love Jesus. God's really redeeming a lot of things in my life, including the idea of male friendships! Here's a shot of our team....starting from the man wearing glasses and going clockwise there is...Perry (campus minister...my boss), Laura, Nicole, Cher (assistant campus minister), MEEEE, Spencer, Ben, Kristi (assistant campus minister), and Seth. I firmly believe that God handpicked each one of us to be on this team and I am so blessed to be a part of it!
Interior design has definitely prepared me for interning because of the late nights and long hours. It hasn't been as much of an adjustment as I thought it would be, as far as sleep schedule goes. I really look forward to maintaining some of my relationships with the interior design program, especially girls who are still there. I understand where they are coming from and it will hopefully be a great place for me to build relationships!
Yesterday was all about freshman, moving them in, meeting them, and then going to dinner and a movie with them. It was a crazy long day! My temper definitely got the best of me at certain moments and my prayer was "God, I have no energy and no patience to deal with this or these people right now, please give me your Grace to get through this next hour." It was incredible how each hour I prayed that prayer, things seemed to get a little easier. Today, after church, we had 4 hours of relaxation time, and I spent mine in Target and at the pool. :) I'm learning to soak up every moment of down time and really use it to the fullest.
I don't think anything could prepare you for diving head first into being a ministry intern. No amount of prayer, meditation, or training could have made me "ready". And nothing can really prepare me for tomorrow because everything doesn't remain the same! When your job is focused on building relationships, emotions are at the core. Since emotions can be all over the place, it's so important to stay constantly in the Word and in a constant convo with Jesus, because the stuff we see and deal with is totally and completely "random". A verse that I adore is Matthew 7:34..."So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today."
I am so thankful for this job and the people I am around. This time last year, I would never have dreamed I would be here. It was never even a thought in the back of my head. I can't say with certainty that God has a plan for me (that idea was challenged during a meeting we all had with the Vice President of Atlanta Christian College, more to come on that topic when I understand it a little better!) However, I do know that everything in my life, works together for His good. "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." Romans 8:28
Thank you so much for everyone who attended my graduation celebration weekend! You guys are so special to me and I am so thankful to have such an outstanding support system. This life gets rough some times, but knowing we have each other to lean on, and HIM as the rock we put our feet on, makes things a little easier!
xoxo, va
Interior design has definitely prepared me for interning because of the late nights and long hours. It hasn't been as much of an adjustment as I thought it would be, as far as sleep schedule goes. I really look forward to maintaining some of my relationships with the interior design program, especially girls who are still there. I understand where they are coming from and it will hopefully be a great place for me to build relationships!
Yesterday was all about freshman, moving them in, meeting them, and then going to dinner and a movie with them. It was a crazy long day! My temper definitely got the best of me at certain moments and my prayer was "God, I have no energy and no patience to deal with this or these people right now, please give me your Grace to get through this next hour." It was incredible how each hour I prayed that prayer, things seemed to get a little easier. Today, after church, we had 4 hours of relaxation time, and I spent mine in Target and at the pool. :) I'm learning to soak up every moment of down time and really use it to the fullest.
I don't think anything could prepare you for diving head first into being a ministry intern. No amount of prayer, meditation, or training could have made me "ready". And nothing can really prepare me for tomorrow because everything doesn't remain the same! When your job is focused on building relationships, emotions are at the core. Since emotions can be all over the place, it's so important to stay constantly in the Word and in a constant convo with Jesus, because the stuff we see and deal with is totally and completely "random". A verse that I adore is Matthew 7:34..."So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today."
I am so thankful for this job and the people I am around. This time last year, I would never have dreamed I would be here. It was never even a thought in the back of my head. I can't say with certainty that God has a plan for me (that idea was challenged during a meeting we all had with the Vice President of Atlanta Christian College, more to come on that topic when I understand it a little better!) However, I do know that everything in my life, works together for His good. "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." Romans 8:28
Thank you so much for everyone who attended my graduation celebration weekend! You guys are so special to me and I am so thankful to have such an outstanding support system. This life gets rough some times, but knowing we have each other to lean on, and HIM as the rock we put our feet on, makes things a little easier!
xoxo, va
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Auburn Alum!
It's official folks... I am a graduate from Auburn University! I had the most incredible weekend with my family and appreciate everything they did for me!
I wish this post could be longer but today was our first day of intern training and after a night cap of a 2 hour dance practice, I'm worn out!! I hope to post longer in the coming days!
Prayer Requests: my health, my sanity, and my incredible team of individuals that I am working with.... Seth, Spencer, Laura, Ben, Nicole, Cher, Perry and Kristi!
Love you all and appreciate what everyone has done for me!
"To Him be the glory and the honor, forever and ever, ever amen."
xoxo, va
I wish this post could be longer but today was our first day of intern training and after a night cap of a 2 hour dance practice, I'm worn out!! I hope to post longer in the coming days!
Prayer Requests: my health, my sanity, and my incredible team of individuals that I am working with.... Seth, Spencer, Laura, Ben, Nicole, Cher, Perry and Kristi!
Love you all and appreciate what everyone has done for me!
"To Him be the glory and the honor, forever and ever, ever amen."
xoxo, va
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