He Really Loves Me...

"For we died and were buried with Christ by baptism. And just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glorious power of the Father, now we also may live new lives." Romans 6:4

It's no secret to anyone that I haven't lived a life that brings any sort of glory to God for a long time. (if you feel it's a secret to you... ask me, I have no problem filling you in) I have made tons of mistakes and turned and fled from Him time and time again... for seven years, if we want to get specific. But just 11 days ago, I made a public profession that I am forgiven, loved, and saved and that this "change" that occured in me 11 months ago, is far deeper than a lifestyle change. I was baptized at the beach in Panama City, at night (hence why there are no good pictures) in front of 100 members of my ACF family. Super, awesome, it was great... a very powerful moment HOWEVER the grace gone wild story in all of this occured in the days following... when I began to realize that He really, really, really loves me.

He loves ME, me right now, not what me could be, not the me when I'm doing the "right thing" but ME, all of me. I've spoken those words to girls thousands of times, and even tricked myself into thinking I actually believed it. But until I walked out of that ocean... "He loves me" had never impacted me enough to change me, I never believed it enough to let it define me. And in the past 11 days I have watched BIG things change, not on the outside at all, but on the inside; the way I feel about myself, the way I feel about other people, and the way I love.

When I walked out of that water, everything was still the same. The same people ignore me, the same people make fun of me, the same people don't like me. What changed though was how I percieve myself. It doesn't matter that those people don't like me, because my King loves me. There's nothing I can or can't do to make Him love me less. I really believe this feeling I've had in what it means in Galations when Paul says "For you have been called to live in freedom--not freedom to satisfy your sinful nature, but freedom to serve one another in love." (5:13) I have found freedom in the fact that God loves me, genuinely loves me. And with that freedom, I am able to love myself. And with THAT freedom, I feel like I'm able to love people better!

xoxo, va

Two Families

Fun fact about me: I don't break promises, and if on the rare occasion I do, it causes major stress to my soul. So when I promised Brandon (a senior at ACF) I would sit in the student section of Jordan Hare stadium at some point this year, I wasn't about to back down, despite many horrible past experiences. I made the random executive decision that the South Carolina game would be a great one to attend, so he set about finding me a ticket. I can honestly say, it's probably the best $40 I have spent.

After a really hard week at work, especially with the anniversary of Jacob's death on Friday, the intense adrenaline rush of the game and the joy that it brought me, was precisely what I needed. There was a moment in the second half of the game that I had to thank God for what was all around me. First of all, there was a stadium full of fans cheering on the team and school that I've loved passionately since I was in 8th grade. There was such a sense of family, a real definition of what it means to "believe in Auburn and love it!" (last lines of the Auburn creed). I was filled with such pride, watching our team play one hell of a game, and realizing that WOW, this is a family I will always be a part of. Although I have bled orange and blue for some time, there are things about Auburn that have always rubbed me wrong. I've had some really hard experiences here. I've had moments of hating Auburn and moments of adoring it. When my mother and I were talking about me interning for ACF she said something very, very wise (I expect nothing less!). She said, "Virginia this is a chance for Auburn to redeem itself to you." And it has. Things that have held me back from really enjoying Auburn and feeling a part of "THE family" are now being "re-done" in a different, positive light! The student section is one of those things, so after yesterday, I am feeling more and more a part of the Auburn family!

Secondly, I had to thank God for the people I was surronded by, on a smaller scale. It's my ACF family. There's just something about jumping up and down, screaming the fight song, yelling at the refs, white knuckling it when plays are reviewed, and rejoicing when we scored, with people who you love and you know love you. I've never had that in my life. Sure, I've had amazing friends and people who I thought cared about me, but there's a HUGE difference between thinking people care and knowing people care! I know they care because we're much like a biological family, whether we like it or not, we're all "stuck" together for the next year. We will go through ups and downs and situations that could tear us apart. But the way we have and will handle things help to define what we're all about. We're about loving people, right where they are. Loving people through the good, the bad, and the ugly. And pointing them toward the person this real love comes from!

Being a part of these two families is a beautiful gift. In James 1:17, I'm reminded that "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." God is redeeming Auburn to me, He is teaching me that there are people who will love me for me, He is showing me over and over that He isn't going to go anywhere, and that His blessings are ceaseless.

Here's a picture of some of the students I was with last night (no we didn't wear bathing suits to the game....)









xoxo, va

A Little More....

I don't know how many of you know that I have two blogs, but I do! I post on the second one along with my best friend Kari, who many of you have met! SUPER precious picture of us.......


She and I write the blog about struggles as a single woman in this world of wedding rings and engagment photos. Here's the address to our blog if you want to keep up with that one as well.

kariandvirginia.blogspot.com

xoxo, va

True Love

"The earth was shaking in the dark
All creation felt the Father's Broken Heart
Tears were filling Heaven's Eyes
The day that True Love died, the day that True Love died
When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that True Love died, The day that True Love died."

This is currently my favorite song and it's by Phil Wickham (personally, I think our ACF band does this song even better than him, just sayin') This song puts a lot of things into perspective for me, starting with the fact Jesus is the true love because His love is perfect. No other love can come close to comparing to His. God created me with a heart that can be satisfied only by His love. Knowing these facts, why do I search and search for a love on this Earth to fill that void? It really helps to exlain why I am continuously let down by people's love, not because they don't love me with their whole hearts, but because human love isn't the True Love.

My heart was deisgned and constructed to hunger for love and to desire passion. The desires I have to be loved unconditionally aren't weird or strange, they are the desires that God has PLACED in my heart. So if God placed these desires in my heart, and God promises that if I delight in Him, He will fulfill the desires of my heart (Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. Psalm 37:4), will He not fufill these desires I have? Here's the kicker though, He hardly ever satisfies those desires in the ways I would choose or guess them to be satisfied.

For example, my number one stress going into ministry was that I'd have to share a room with someone, possibly two people and never have the opportunity for alone time... something I like to call "introvert time" and is highly necessary for my sanity. After weeks and weeks of stressing about this, I decided in June I would give God that worry and not think about it anymore. Sure enough, a week before I was leaving San Diego, I got an email from Perry saying the girl interns were going to be living in a two bedroom house all year, instead of at ACF. AND the other two girls were going to be okay with me having my own bedroom. WOW! This wasn't even something I could have EVER dreamed could happen. From day one it had always been that I would live in a house with 5 other women so my prayers had been for God to help me with patience and that I would be able to find ways to maintain my sanity throughout the year. God fulfilled a desire of my heart (for alone time) with something that I never even thought of as an option!

Hmmmmmm, maybe I should apply that to the fact that I am single right now. I should trust that He knows me far better than I know myself. He knows I need alone time and instead of helping me not need alone time, He blessed me with a place to have alone time! Someone asked me just a couple days ago: "How many hairs are on your head Virginia?" My response was ofcourse, "I have no idea". The person's respone: "He does." Luke 12:7 "Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows." Since He knows me better than I know my self, I need to trust Him with my life and the purpose for my life. Since this is so much easier said than done, it's not as freeing as God intended it to be. However, it's something to work towards as a daily goal. To fall in love with HIM so I may one day know how to love and be loved by _______ (insert future husband's name here).

xoxo, va