It's no secret to anyone that I haven't lived a life that brings any sort of glory to God for a long time. (if you feel it's a secret to you... ask me, I have no problem filling you in) I have made tons of mistakes and turned and fled from Him time and time again... for seven years, if we want to get specific. But just 11 days ago, I made a public profession that I am forgiven, loved, and saved and that this "change" that occured in me 11 months ago, is far deeper than a lifestyle change. I was baptized at the beach in Panama City, at night (hence why there are no good pictures) in front of 100 members of my ACF family. Super, awesome, it was great... a very powerful moment HOWEVER the grace gone wild story in all of this occured in the days following... when I began to realize that He really, really, really loves me.
He loves ME, me right now, not what me could be, not the me when I'm doing the "right thing" but ME, all of me. I've spoken those words to girls thousands of times, and even tricked myself into thinking I actually believed it. But until I walked out of that ocean... "He loves me" had never impacted me enough to change me, I never believed it enough to let it define me. And in the past 11 days I have watched BIG things change, not on the outside at all, but on the inside; the way I feel about myself, the way I feel about other people, and the way I love. When I walked out of that water, everything was still the same. The same people ignore me, the same people make fun of me, the same people don't like me. What changed though was how I percieve myself. It doesn't matter that those people don't like me, because my King loves me. There's nothing I can or can't do to make Him love me less. I really believe this feeling I've had in what it means in Galations when Paul says "For you have been called to live in freedom--not freedom to satisfy your sinful nature, but freedom to serve one another in love." (5:13) I have found freedom in the fact that God loves me, genuinely loves me. And with that freedom, I am able to love myself. And with THAT freedom, I feel like I'm able to love people better!
xoxo, va
